Mass Shooting Party 2018

The mass shooting party was held on CPE from april 5th to december 7th. in it, you die

Why doesn't America just legalise mass shootings?

Firstly, it's a distinctive point of national and cultural identity. Mass shootings are an iconic event in the USA. We can say "there was a mass shooting today" and you already know with reasonable certainty which nation it happened in. It's comparable to saying "someone was beheaded yesterday"; to say which region it occurred in is essentially redundant due to it being a proud allusive icon of the geographic area. Like poor education and glorified obesity, it would be delusional to pretend mass shootings are not a unique figure of national heritage to stand out among other Western nations. As such, it should be legalised or at least decriminalised in order to preserve this cultural tradition.

Secondly, due to the criminal nature of the act and the large jail terms attached to it, most perpetrators end up committing suicide after partaking in the shooting. It is clear from the past statistics that criminal punishment will not prevent this crime, but will instead lead to increased suicide rates and compound the already disturbing incarceration rate in the "land of the free". Both these figures can be mediated through the decriminalisation of mass killings.

Finally, it seems as if the act of a mass shooting is, in a perverse sense, a symbol of unity and bonding that can provide common ground for the traditionally severe dichotomy of Christianity and Islam. Through the extremist acts of killing innocent peoples committed by both these groups, the American people may finally come to realise that the true issue is not which merciless, jealous God you worship, but rather how much of a delusional schizophrenic you are. This moment of epiphany has the power to break down traditional barriers and allow you, as a nation, to advance to the first world and begin considering more important issues.

It just seems as if legalising mass shootings is the right thing to do.